


the position you're in

by bortzy



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anonymous Sex, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Sex Toys, Sexting, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bortzy/pseuds/bortzy
Summary: Yoosung hadn't thought isolation would frustrate him. He spends most of his time stuck inside anyway. But there's one thing he hadn't considered...Sexual frustration.
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Kim Yoosung
Comments: 25
Kudos: 240





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's 2020 already, will i EVER get over this ship? probably not. this fic goes out to the three yooran fans that still exist (including myself)
> 
> this fic is set about a year post-canon
> 
> also if you're from the future, the context is COVID-19 where we're all stuck in isolation

**Yoosung**

Yoosung hadn’t thought isolation would bother him. After all, he spends most of his time in his bedroom playing LOLOL anyway, so why would he feel restless being cooped up inside at all times? It’s all he does anyway.

But there’s one thing he hadn’t accounted for during this time. Sexual frustration.

It’s ridiculous, really. He’s never even had sex with anyone before, so why is his body choosing _now_ to get sexually frustrated? Maybe it’s the isolation combined with him being touch-starved and desperate. Whatever the reason, there’s only so much jerking off one person can do before getting bored. He’s been using his toys far more than usual, but nothing quite lives up to the human touch. But obviously he’s not allowed to see anyone. So he’s stuck here, by himself, stupidly touch-starved and frustrated.

That’s what has him sitting on his phone, signing up for a hookup app. He’s not going to meet anyone from it, he’s not stupid, but he just needs the thrill of someone telling him what to do. Maybe a phone call, or perhaps even just texting. Just… _something._

He’s too nervous to flat out put a dick pic as his profile picture, so he goes for his ass instead. He’s been told it’s pretty cute. He feels people would be more into that than his dick, anyway.

He hesitates when he reaches the part of the profile where he needs to put his gender preference. He ticks the box for women, because obviously he likes women, but his finger hovers hesitantly over the ‘men’ checkbox. Would it make a difference, really? He decides that no, it wouldn’t, so he ticks that box too, along with ‘other’ and carries on setting up his profile. The only thing he lies about is his name, which he just lists as Sung. It’s not _entirely_ a lie. It’s just that he’d rather not broadcast his identity to the entire app. Especially if someone he knows sees it. He shudders at the thought.

He begins swiping through the people he’s presented with, spending time on their profiles to make sure he actually does like them before making a decision. It’s mostly girls so far, but for some reason he finds he’s not particularly interested in a lot of them. The few guys he comes across make his heart rate spike in excitement, and he finds he tends to choose to match with them regardless of any of their other details.

It’s not too long before he begins receiving messages.

**Cockmaster69:** hey cutie, wanna meet up so i can destroy you?

He’s not interested in that.

**FeetInMyMouth:** that ass is cute af i would love to stick my foot in there

Ew. No thanks.

**Dick van dildo:** hhhhhhhhhh

**Dick van dildo:** i want 2 fuck u

None of the messages are making him very excited, but he will admit he likes the attention.

He then reaches a profile that makes him pause for a moment.

Their username is just a string of seemingly random numbers, but at least their name is listed. Ray. The picture is… well, it’s kind of a tease rather than a straight up dick pic. He’s wearing a pair of black boxers and Yoosung can just about see the tip of his dick poking out the top. But that’s not what catches his attention - it’s the bulge. He bites his lip and scrolls to his bio.

Ray (23)

Don’t match if you want to meet up. Text only.

It’s brief, but it’s exactly what Yoosung is looking for, so he chooses to match. To his surprise, Ray has matched with him too. Yoosung opens the chat window and pauses for a moment, trying to think of what to say.

But he receives a message before he can think of anything.

**01110011:** top or bottom?

**01110011:** I’m assuming bottom

Yoosung blinks at the screen. What on earth does that mean? He looks it up and instantly his face starts burning, but he shakes his head and tries to think. Is he a top or bottom? He doesn’t know. Maybe honesty is the best policy.

**ShootingStar:** Honestly I’ve never been with a guy before

**ShootingStar:** so I don’t know

Ray replies quickly.

**01110011:** I can work with that

**01110011:** can we text? I hate this app’s messaging interface

Yoosung presses his lips together in thought. Is it sensible to give some random guy his phone number like this? Well… he figures Seven can help him out if something bad happens, right? What the hell. He’s horny and desperate, so he sends the guy his number and waits for a text.

**Unknown:** it’s me

**Unknown:** are you dressed right now?

Yoosung quickly saves the number.

**Sung:** I am

**Sung:** but I can take my clothes off

**Ray:** no

**Ray:** keep them on

**Ray:** I’m going to start now. if I say anything you don’t like, tell me

He’s going to… start? Start what, exactly? Yoosung’s excited to find out.

**Sung:** ok

**Ray:** now tell me, Sung, have you ever touched yourself to a guy before?

Yoosung swallows. Ray is extremely blunt, but it’s making his heart race and his body grow warm in ways he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Again, honesty is the best policy.

**Sung:** Yes

**Ray:** and when you’ve been touching yourself

**Ray:** imagining him

**Ray:** what is he doing

**Sung:** He’s telling me what to do

**Ray:** in detail, Sungie

Yoosung’s breath catches. He can feel his dick twitching in his pants.

**Sung:** I usually use toys

**Sung:** so I imagine he’s the one using them on me

**Sung:** or I imagine they’re him

**Sung:** sometimes I keep going until it hurts

**Sung:** imagining he’s the one doing it

**Ray:** send me a picture of the toy

Yoosung quickly rolls over on his bed and slides open his top drawer, reaching for his favourite purple dildo. It’s nothing special, really. He has bigger ones, and also vibrating ones, but for some reason he really likes his purple one. 

He lays it on his bed and snaps a picture of it, sending it to Ray.

**Ray:** cute

**Ray:** but I’d like a more interesting picture

Yoosung’s eyes widen, and he scrolls through his gallery for a moment. He did take a few blurry pictures of himself with the dildo inside him a few days ago, but is it a really good idea to send any of those to a stranger? To his relief, another message comes through before he sends anything.

**Ray:** put it in your pretty little mouth

Wow. Okay. Good thing he didn’t send a picture of it buried in his ass.

He takes the tip of the dildo in his mouth in a way he’s practiced many, many times before. He holds his phone up to take a selfie, making sure not to get the rest of his face in it. Hmm. The picture looks kind of boring. He sticks his tongue out a little, pressing it against the plastic shaft, and tilts the phone at a better angle before snapping a photo. His heart is pounding in his chest as he sends the photo to Ray.

**Ray:** fuck

**Ray:** I’m calling you

Yoosung lets out a little yelp as his phone starts ringing, almost dropping it on his bed. He scrambles to answer.

“Hello?” he says, before he realises he probably should have disguised his voice in some way.

“Are you touching yourself yet?” Ray asks, and Yoosung can feel his pulse pounding through his body. Somehow, hearing the voice makes it feel more real. It doesn’t strike him as familiar, so at least it’s not anyone he knows. He has a nice voice. Higher pitched than he expected, but kind of melodic.

“Not yet.”

“Okay. Take your clothes off. But leave the underwear.”

Yoosung’s breath catches and his dick throbs with excitement. Wow, he really does love being told what to do. It wasn’t just some weird masturbation fantasy.

“Okay,” he answers breathlessly, quickly switching to speakerphone and placing it on his pillow before tugging off his shirt and jeans. He lays down on his bed, keeping the phone where it is so he can use both hands if he needs to, which… he probably will. His dick is hard as a rock in his boxers already.

“Now, rest your hand on your dick. Don’t move it. Don’t apply any pressure. Just let it sit there.”

Yoosung does as he’s told, a light jolt going through him at the gentle touch. He closes his eyes, trying to imagine what Ray might look like. But all he can picture is… well, he probably shouldn’t think of _him_ while talking to this guy.

“Are you… y’know? Touching…?” Yoosung lets the question trail off. He hears a soft laugh on the other end of the line.

“Touching myself? Yeah. That picture might just be the thing that helps me get through lockdown.”

“I-I can send more,” Yoosung offers breathlessly, barely even thinking about his words. He hasn’t even sent this guy any pictures of his body yet, but he still feels weirdly exposed in a way he doesn’t entirely hate. No. That’s a lie. He doesn’t hate it _at all._ He actually likes it quite a lot.

“One step at a time. Press your hand down harder. Just a little.” Yoosung does as he’s told. “Is your other hand free?”

“Yeah. You’re on speaker.”

“Use the other hand to scratch your thigh.”

Yoosung does just that, and lets out a little gasp.

“Do you like pain?”

Yoosung doesn’t even have to think twice.

“Y-yes.”

“Scratch yourself again.”

Yoosung scratches a little harder this time, and accidentally lets a whimper escape.

“Fuck, I knew you’d be loud. Get rid of your underwear now.”

Yoosung scrambles to push his boxers down his legs, kicking them across the room.

“You still got the dildo?”

“Mmhm.”

“Good. Lube your fingers. Prep yourself.”

Yoosung quickly rolls onto his side and digs around in his bedside table for a moment before bringing out the lube. He pops the cap off and squeezes some onto his fingers, rubbing it over them. He reaches down and pokes a finger against his ass, letting out a small sigh of relief as he slides one in.

“If I were there I would absolutely destroy you. I would fuck you until you couldn’t walk. I would bite you, scratch you, tease you, until you were a begging mess.”

Yoosung whimpers needily as he starts pumping his finger in and out, quickly applying a second one and stretching himself. He can already feel himself getting impatient for the dildo to fill him.

“K-keep talking.” Yoosung uses his free hand to push the phone closer to his ear. Maybe this way he can imagine Ray is right there next to him, and that he’s the one with the fingers in Yoosung’s ass.

Ray chuckles, which only makes Yoosung’s desire spike even higher.

“You’re already so desperate. How long have you been holding this in, huh, Sungie?” Yoosung lets out a small moan at the nickname. “You said you’ve never been with a guy. That’s okay. That means I get to be the one to ruin you.”

“O-oh,” Yoosung moans, sliding in a third finger. His dick is twitching, neglected and leaking precum over his belly.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like to be used.”

“Y-yes, god,” Yoosung gasps. “Use me for y-your own pleasure.”

“I will,” Ray promises, voice getting deeper and huskier with each word. “I’ll use you until you can’t stand to be used anymore.”

“F-fuck, Ray, can I… can I put it in me now?”

“Yes. I want you to imagine it’s me.” Yoosung removes his fingers and grabs the dildo, hastily spreading lube over it. “Imagine me biting down on your neck as I fuck into you. You said you’ve never been with a guy, but what about anyone else? Have you ever fucked anyone?”

“N-no.”

“Then I want you to picture me taking that from you. Using your first time for my own gain. You like that?”

“God. Yes. Please, Ray…” Yoosung presses the tip of the dildo against his ass, sinking down on it slightly. “It’s… the tip… it’s in…”

Ray exhales heavily.

“Good, now push it in. Slowly. Do _not_ change speed at any point, understand?”

“Mmhm,” Yoosung moans as he slowly starts pushing the dildo in further.

“God, you sound so good right now, Sungie. I can’t wait to hear you come undone.”

The speed Yoosung’s pushing the dildo into himself is painfully slow, but he keeps it up for Ray. If he does as he says, it’s easier to imagine that Ray is the one pushing into him like this.

Eventually the dildo is fully inside him, and its familiar girth and length draws a sigh from Yoosung’s lips.

“It’s in.”

“Good boy,” Ray purrs, and Yoosung’s dick twitches in response. “Now pull it out, slowly. Angle it the way you like it.”

Yoosung grits his teeth at the slow sensation, letting Ray’s heavy breathing from the other end of the line spur him on.

“O...kay…” Yoosung gasps. His ass is clenching, his insides aching with need.

“Now slam it back in as hard as you can.”

Yoosung lets out a loud whine as he does just that.

“Now fuck yourself. Hard,” Ray orders, his words becoming broken and almost needy. Yoosung pictures him jerking himself off to… to _him._ Ray is jerking off to _him._ Yoosung tears the dildo out and slams it back in as hard as he can.

He can’t speak anymore. His pleas have become desperate moans and whimpers and yells as the dildo hits him _just_ right.

It doesn’t take long before he feels his orgasm fast approaching, and his moans become higher and more desperate.

“God, Sung, those noises…” Ray lets out a small moan of his own, and even through his haze of pleasure, Yoosung can tell he’s holding back. “Cum for me, puppy.”

Yoosung finally grabs his dick with his free hand, twisting once, twice, and thrusting the dildo in rhythm with his pumps. He’s almost immediately pushed over the edge, crying out so loudly he worries his neighbours might hear, arching his back so hard it might break. His cum spurts out of him in short bursts, all over his fist and stomach, and the dildo is buried in him to the hilt. He trembles and gasps and eventually, the heat finishes washing through him and he collapses back onto his bed, head lolling to the side and mouth hanging open.

He listens as Ray lets out a few last grunts and moans before gasping and finishing himself.

Yoosung is panting heavily, dildo still in his ass, laying in his room which is silent save for the two men gasping on either end of the phone.

“Sung…” Ray eventually slurs, and Yoosung can hear the smile in his voice. “You did good.”

“Th-thank you,” Yoosung manages to stammer out. “You were… amazing.”

“We should do this again,” Ray offers, sounding slightly uncertain. Yoosung smiles.

“Definitely.”

* * *

When the call is over, Yoosung picks up his phone with his clean(er) hand and hesitates for a moment before opening the camera and taking a picture. He barely even looks at the photo of his messy dick and stomach before hitting send. _Don’t overthink it_ , he thinks to himself.

* * *

**Saeran**

Saeran lays in his bed with a limp dick and cum all over his hand. Part of him worries he went too far at some points within that conversation. Using his first time for his own gain? Really? But… Sung hadn’t seemed to mind. In fact, it seemed like he’d liked it.

To his surprise, his phone buzzes in his hand almost instantly after they’ve ended the call. He opens the message from Sung and… oh… oh wow. This is _definitely_ going to be some material he can use later.

It’s weird, really. Sung reminds him a lot of a certain someone he vowed he would stop thinking about over lockdown. At least with Sung he can get over his stupid crush, even if they’re kind of similar. He’s never even spoken to Yoosung before! It was always stupid to have a crush on him, really. He never understood why he did.

Regardless of the small similarities, Saeran hopes this arrangement with Sung can become a regular thing. It definitely seems like Sung and him are compatible sexually, so that’s good. It allows Saeran to vent his frustration and ingrained need for control in a more healthy way. He’s not Unknown anymore. He’s Saeran. And he knows deep down that if Sung ever asked him to stop or tone it down a bit, he would be able to. It might be harder in real life, once he got going, but honestly he feels like he’d want to be more gentle in reality anyway. Especially for someone’s first time.

Not that it matters. It’s not like he’ll ever actually meet the guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this quarantine hitting hard, but not as hard as yoosung's orgasm amirite boys *fingerguns*
> 
> next chapter will be up shortly! it's more plot heavy (in the loosest sense of the word 'plot') but it's also a lot of fucking so. enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Yoosung**

It’s a crazy idea. A  _ bad  _ idea. Something he  _ definitely shouldn’t be considering right now. _

But he’s already naked. The dildo is already stuck to the floor. His phone is already pointed at his lower body and recording. He’s already prepped himself.

He doesn’t waste any time lowering himself down onto the dildo. He makes a show out of it. He arches his back and moans as loudly as he dares. He jerks himself off while thinking of Ray. He rides his dildo hard on his bathroom floor, gripping the counter with his free hand so he doesn’t fall. He even dares to moan Ray’s name as he cums while fucking himself to the thought of him.

He has to close his eyes as he hits send, and then immediately locks his phone and cleans himself up.

The response takes ten minutes to come through and consists of just one word.

**Ray:** fuck

* * *

**Saeran**

Saeran feels guilty for having received so much content and not having sent any of his own. So he grabs his own dildo, a little bigger than Sung’s cute dick, but it’ll do, and records himself sucking on it. He’s careful not to get any of the rest of his face or his tattoo in the shot, but he makes a show out of it. He drools and even dares to let out small moans as he teases the dildo. When he sends the video, it takes Sung a while to respond.

**Sung:** OH

* * *

**Yoosung**

Yoosung has been texting back and forth with Ray for about a week now, and it seems like every text is more charged with desire than the last. He can’t explain this feeling he has for a guy he’s never met or even seen the face of, but he finds he so desperately  _ wants  _ he has trouble concentrating on anything else.

The next video he sends is one of him jerking off to release. Simple, but hopefully effective. He’s sure the camera shook a lot while he filmed, but hopefully Ray won’t mind.

**Ray:** you’re so fucking hot, sungie

* * *

**Saeran**

Saeran’s favourite trick is holding his vibrator against his balls while his second-biggest dildo is all the way inside him, pressing up against his insides. He decides Sung might like to see this trick, so he records a video of himself presenting the extremely large dildo to the camera and then pushing it inside himself and simulating his balls.

**Sung:** that’s so big! :o how will it ever fit!?

**Sung:** ……..oh

* * *

**Yoosung**

Yoosung doesn’t realise until after one of their calls has ended that his neck is bruised from where he choked and scratched himself during his orgasm at Ray’s command. As soon as he catches sight of it in his bathroom mirror, he takes a mirror selfie of his entire body (except his head and face, of course) while pointing to the marks on his neck.

**Ray:** fuck that’s hot

**Ray:** i hope you know that i would leave a hell of a lot more marks on you than that

**Sung:** I’m counting on it

* * *

**Saeran**

Saeran has never been very good at taking pictures of himself, whether it be regular selfies or nudes. And after all the gorgeous photos he’s received of Sung, he realises he needs to up his game.

He pulls out one of his favourite butt-plugs from his collection. It’s black and ribbed and has silver studs on the outside section and looks pretty good when it’s in there. Then he spends an hour trying to twist his body at  _ just  _ the right angle in his bedroom mirror that doesn’t make his pancake ass look quite so flat but also gives Sung full view of the plug.

**Sung:** omg x.x

**Sung:** I’m supposed to be studying!!

**Sung:** now I can’t focus. can we call?

* * *

**Yoosung**

Lockdown is finally over and life is slowly going back to as normal as it can be, but Yoosung can’t help but feel kind of… weird. Does this mean his arrangement with Ray will end? Will they meet up and continue in real life? Yoosung’s not quite sure how he feels about that. He wants to, but he doesn’t know how Ray feels about that.

They’ve called a few times over lockdown, so Yoosung likes to think they know each other fairly well by now. Okay, so maybe they’ve called a lot. Maybe almost every day.

But Yoosung still doesn’t know anything about the guy! All he knows is the approximate time of day he tends to get horny! And also how pretty much every part of his body looks (except his face).

**Sung:** So…

**Ray:** so

**Sung:** Lockdown is over

**Ray:** yup

**Sung:** I know you said in your profile you didn’t want to meet up

**Sung:** But I was wondering if that had changed

**Ray:** i

**Ray:** i dont know, sung

**Sung:** It wouldn’t mean anything! 

**Sung:** We could just, y’know

**Sung:** do what we do on calls

**Sung:** but for real

**Ray:** i know

**Ray:** but i dont think it’s safe

**Sung:** Safe? Why??

**Ray:** im not

**Ray:** i dont know what kind of person you think i am

**Ray:** but im not good

**Sung:** What do you mean?

**Ray:** ive done bad things

**Ray:** really bad things

**Sung:** I don’t think any person truly ‘bad’ is self aware enough to know their bad things are bad

**Sung:** Everyone makes mistakes

**Ray:** but theyre more than mistakes

**Sung:** Listen,

**Sung:** if you don’t want to meet up that’s fine

**Sung:** I just feel like we have a connection

**Ray:** me too

**Ray:** but

**Ray:** idk maybe i just need more time

**Sung:** That’s ok! ^.^

**Sung:** We can keep talking though

**Sung:** If you want

**Sung:** We can get to know each other properly

**Ray:** maybe

**Sung:** That’s not a no...

**Ray:** its a maybe

* * *

Yoosung hasn’t slept over at the bunker since Saeran started living there. Which is totally fine! He’s not upset about it, even if he misses hanging out with Seven. Saeran’s needs are obviously more important.

But Seven has asked him to stay over tonight to watch Saeran while he’s off on some mission for his new agency. Yoosung isn’t sure why Saeran would need a babysitter at 23, but it’s whatever. He’s spoken to him briefly in the RFA messenger and he seems fine. Surely he can go one night without supervision?

Apparently not. Turns out the real Seven, or rather, Saeyoung, is overprotective in ways Yoosung has never seen from him before. It’s fine though. It’ll be like normal, except Yoosung will be sleeping in Seven’s bed rather than the spare-room-turned-Saeran’s-room he used to sleep in. Still, Yoosung wishes he’d spoken to Saeran outside the chatroom, like, even just once. But Saeran always seemed so shy and reserved, and Yoosung has never known how to approach him.

When he arrives, the bunker is dark, so he flicks on the lights to the main area and immediately powers up the TV. Finally he can play these videogames without Seven cheating and winning!

He plays a few games of Spla2n and although he’s tempted, decides against destroying parts of Seven’s island on Animal Crossroads. He scrolls through a few more games before he hears the quiet noise of a door opening and closing behind him. He quickly drops the controller on the sofa next to him and turns around with a big smile on his face.

Saeran is standing there in simple black sweatpants and a black jumper which is far too big for him. The sleeves are too long and cover his hands, and the neckline has slid aside slightly to reveal his collarbone and shoulder. Yoosung’s grin falters a little. Saeran really is pretty. Of course, he’d noticed that before, but now that the bleached hair has almost entirely grown out (just the tips remain white) and he no longer has the pained, angry look in his eyes, he looks… almost cute. He pushes down the stupid feelings inside him and tries to strike up a normal conversation.

“Hi! Uh, I know we’ve talked in the chatroom, but I guess this is the first time in real life.” He laughs awkwardly. “Nice to properly meet you.”

Saeran’s eyebrows furrow slightly.

“Yeah, nice to…” He trails off, and Yoosung’s grin falters again. Something about that voice is very familiar. Maybe they  _ have _ spoken before? Have they even had a phonecall, or…?

“Um… have we…”

They both realise in exactly the same moment.

Yoosung jerks back so suddenly he falls off the sofa and onto the ground. Saeran stumbles backwards and almost falls, propping himself up only by the wall.

“Y-y…” Yoosung can barely string a word together, let alone a sentence. His eyes are wide, staring at Saeran, his mouth is hanging open. Saeran’s staring at him with just as much disbelief. Only, his mouth is firmly shut as though worried he might throw up. Yoosung wouldn’t blame him if he did.

His mind is racing, but he can’t seem to catch his thoughts. It’s like trying to chase butterflies while wading through mud. They keep slipping through his fingers while he sinks deeper and deeper. His stomach has dropped right through the crust of the earth and it’s still going down.

Saeran is Ray. Ray is Saeran.

He’s seen… oh  _ god _ the things he’s seen! The things he’s heard! The things he  _ knows… _

Surprisingly, Saeran is the first to speak.

“We can forget it.” His voice is hoarse and strained, similar to how he sounds when he’s about to…  _ no!  _ No thoughts like that! “We can pretend it never happened. Delete everything. Never speak of it again.”

For some reason, the thought of that makes Yoosung’s stomach drop even further. Or maybe that was his heart, this time.

“Is that… what you want?”

Saeran throws his hands up in the air.

“What else can we fucking do!?” His eyes are wild and his voice is erratic. He’s breathing fast and Yoosung can hear the strain in his throat like glass shards against a blackboard. “We can’t  _ carry on  _ when it’s  _ you _ .”

That felt… kind of like a punch to the gut. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Well, other than Ray  _ not  _ being Saeran, but maybe these last thirty seconds had him hoping that Saeran might want to carry on anyway. But that’s ridiculous! 

“I didn’t even know you were gay!” Saeran yells.

“I’m not!” Yoosung yells back, the first full and unfragmented sentence he’s said since the big reveal. “I’m… I’m… I don’t know what I am!”

“Seemed pretty fucking gay when you  _ sent me a video of you-” _

“I know!” Yoosung yells, slamming his hands against his ears and screwing his eyes shut. “I  _ know!  _ You don’t have to  _ say  _ it! I don’t know what I am but I like guys and girls okay!?”

“I’m not just a fucking tool for you to use to figure your shit out.” Saeran’s voice is muffled through Yoosung’s hands, which are still over his ears, but he can make out the words anyway. He clutches at his hair.

“You kind of were, though!” It’s like word vomit. Yoosung can’t stop. “Fuck. Not  _ you _ . Ray.”

“I  _ am  _ Ray. Or was that not fucking clear by this point?”

Yoosung’s trembling but he inhales as deeply as he can. He imagines the air is pushing down the terror. The panic. The anxiety. Slowly, he feels some semblance of calm wash through him. It’s not much, but it’s better than before.

“Saeran, listen.” He drops his hands from his ears and opens his eyes, but is shocked to find Saeran curled up on the floor, shaking and sobbing. “S-Saeran?” Yoosung stumbles to his feet and over to him, dropping from shaking legs back to his knees. His hands hover helplessly over Saeran’s trembling form. 

Now is not the time to be panicking. He needs to help Saeran. This is a panic attack, right?

His hand slowly and gently rests on Saeran’s shoulder, and he uses the other to prop himself up on the floor. He hopes the touch is soothing, because if it’s not then… well fuck.

“It’s okay,” he says as gently as he can. “Saeran, it’s okay.”

“It’s  _ not  _ okay,” he spits out through his tears. “I’m not  _ out _ .”

It takes Yoosung a moment to figure out what he means.

“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone, I promise. And… and I’m not either. I’m, y’know, I don’t even know what I am. But we can forget it all. If that’s what makes you feel safest.” He barely knows what he’s saying, but he moves his hand in a small circle on Saeran’s shoulder. “Whatever was happening… it can stop right now. It can be a secret. No one else has to know.” Yoosung bites his lip to try and centre himself. His voice is shaking slightly, which is obviously not helpful right now. What are you supposed to do for someone during a panic attack? He’d looked it up online once, but now his mind is blank and probably fighting off its own panic attack. “Listen, Saeran. I know how you feel. I feel… literally the exact same way. But we can get through this. We can talk about it. Or not. Whichever feels better for you.”

“I…” Yoosung watches as Saeran swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I don’t know. I wasn’t… I wasn’t  _ ready _ .” He pauses, trying to catch his breath. “I wasn’t ready to tell Sung more and I definitely wasn’t ready for him to find out who I am. But it’s…”

“It’s okay, though,” Yoosung desperately tries to reassure him. “Because I already know you. We’ve spoken before on the messenger. I’m best friends with your brother. So you don’t have to worry about exposing yourself to a stranger.” Yoosung winces. Poor choice of words there. “What I mean is… it’s me. And you know me, at least a little. So hopefully you know that when I make promises, I keep them.”

The room is silent for a moment, save for Saeran’s laboured breathing which gradually begins to slow. Yoosung doesn’t speak, just continuing to stroke Saeran’s shoulder in a way that’s therapeutic for himself if nothing else. The reality of it is still hitting him, but he closes his eyes and tries to look at it from a distance.

In a way, it makes sense. The only guy Yoosung’s ever fantasised about and the only one he’s ever become digitally attracted to and hooked up with turning out to be the same person… there’s gotta be a word for that. Ironic? Coincidence? Fate? Whatever it is, it’s clearly the universe playing some weird game with him. And maybe it’s destroyed any relationship he could have ever had with Saeran, but that’s the way things are. All he needs to do now is sort out his own feelings and hopefully talk it through with Saeran when he’s not so vulnerable and upset.

He feels Saeran shift under his hand and he quickly opens his eyes. Saeran pushes himself to a sitting position and wipes his eyes with his oversized sleeve before locking eyes with Yoosung. He seems calmer now.

“I… I need to go to bed.”

Of course. This must have been exhausting for him. It definitely was for Yoosung, and he managed to control most of it. He nods.

“Do you… do you need me to help you get there, or…?”

“I’m fine.” Saeran pushes himself to his feet unsteadily, using the wall for support. Yoosung looks at him doubtfully.

“I’ll help you,” he decides, and although Saeran sighs, he doesn’t protest as Yoosung slides an arm around him for support. His waist is so small and he’s so light. It’s strange, really. He’d imagined Saeran to be scarier than this, what with everything the others had been saying about him. But there’s nothing scary about him.

When they reach Saeran’s room (which Yoosung pointedly does  _ not  _ think about how he recognises from pictures), Saeran all but collapses into his bed.

Yoosung leaves, making sure to turn off the lights and close the door behind him.

* * *

It’s way past midnight and Yoosung’s lying in Seven’s bed trying to sleep. It’s not working.

His phone lights up with a notification, and he reluctantly picks it up and reads it.

**Ray:** come here

Yoosung doesn’t hesitate before jumping out of bed and rushing to Saeran’s room. When he opens the door, all he can see is Saeran’s outline in the bed within the dark room. The only light comes from the moon, filtering softly through the curtains.

“Are you okay?” Yoosung whispers, stepping towards him cautiously.

“Yes. Just… come here.”

Yoosung steps closer until his legs hit the bed, and he feels a hand grab hold of his sleeve and tug.

“Get in.”

“Huh? Are you sure?” Yoosung asks, voice slightly higher pitched than he would have liked.

“Just get in.” Saeran tugs harder and Yoosung gives in, sliding under the warm covers.

“Are you…”

“Sleep here tonight?” Saeran asks in a small voice. “Please.”

“I… okay,” Yoosung whispers.

It takes a few moments of him lying there awkwardly before Saeran sighs and tugs at Yoosung’s sleeve again.

“I won’t bite.”

Yoosung carefully puts an arm around Saeran. He’s so cold and he feels so fragile.

“I also won’t break.”

Saeran drapes his own arm over Yoosung’s waist and buries his face into his chest.

“You can leave if you wanna.”

“I don’t,” Yoosung says immediately.

It’s not long before sleep finally takes them both.

* * *

Yoosung wakes up to the morning sunlight through the curtains, a warm figure in his arms, and a dry throat. God, why is he always so thirsty in the mornings?

It doesn’t take him long to remember where he is and… why. He glances down at Saeran, still asleep in his arms. It’s strange, really, even though Saeran is taller than him, he feels so small like this. Maybe it’s because he’s so thin. He wonders if he’s eating enough. Maybe Yoosung could cook for him!

Okay, but first things first, he needs a drink. He glances sleepily around the room and spots a glass of water on the bedside table. Hopefully Saeran won’t mind if he has some.

He carefully extracts one of his arms so he can reach the glass. The first sip is successful. The second, not so much. He spills it down his neck and shoulder.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, and he feels Saeran stirring next to him.

“Y’sung?” he asks, voice thick with sleep. Yoosung swallows hard and tries not to think about how hot he sounds.

“Morning,” Yoosung says softly, watching as Saeran opens his eyes and brings up his hand to rub them.

“Were you watching me sleep?”

“What? No!”

“Creep.”

Okay. That was a joke, right? Maybe things can be more normal today than they were yesterday.

“Gimme that.” Saeran reaches for the glass in Yoosung’s hand and sits up slightly so he can gulp some down. He glances at Yoosung’s shirt. “You drool or something?”

“I spilt the water,” Yoosung mumbles in embarrassment, trying unsuccessfully to dry the neck of his shirt with his hand. Saeran sits up fully and yawns, running a hand through his bedhead. He seems so… casual. How is he so nonchalant right now? Yoosung’s approximately three seconds from thinking about the photos and videos they shared and freaking out again.

“Listen. Before anything else,” Saeran says slowly. “Whatever… whatever  _ this  _ is. Whatever it was. Before. I…” He pointedly stares at the wall, holding the water to his lips. “I liked you.”

Yoosung’s breath catches. What does he mean by that?

“I liked you as Sung. And I… I liked you as Yoosung. I was just… I was too scared.”

Yoosung barely thinks it through before he reaches out and gently takes Saeran’s free hand in his. He sits up in bed.

“I did too,” he says. “I liked Ray and I liked you too. Like. I  _ like  _ you. Present tense.”

Saeran lets out a small laugh.

“Eloquently put.”

“Sh-shut up! I just woke up.”

“I’m just teasing.” Saeran places the glass on the side and lies back down next to Yoosung, this time facing the ceiling. There’s a beat of silence as Yoosung studies Saeran’s face closely. He has a nice profile. A strong jawline and cheekbones, narrow but expressive eyes, a pretty nose, beautiful lips…

And as much as he tries pushing the indecent thoughts out of his mind, he can’t help but remember exactly how he sounds when he’s coming undone. How almost every inch of his body looks under his clothes.

Saeran chooses that moment to turn and look at Yoosung again and Yoosung’s breath catches. The way his eyelashes flutter as his eyes move up and down Yoosung’s face is intoxicating. Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s slowly leaning closer.

To his relief, Saeran meets him halfway.

Their lips touch and it’s a little clumsy but Yoosung’s heart won’t stop doing backflips through his chest. Is this really happening? Or is he still dreaming? His head feels woozy.

Saeran pushes closer still, hands slowly making their way to cup Yoosung’s face. Yoosung’s hands grip Saeran’s shirt at his waist, and then suddenly Saeran’s leg is hooked around Yoosung, tugging him closer as the kiss becomes more desperate.

Yoosung lets out a small whimper into the kiss which only seems to spur Saeran further. Both their lips part at the same time and their tongues meet in the middle and slide together. Yoosung’s heart has sprinted all the way to his throat now and he feels like he can’t breathe in the best way.

They both seem to be contributing to the kiss equally up until Saeran runs his fingers through Yoosung’s hair and pulls slightly. Yoosung gasps, head tilting back automatically, and he’s met with the warm, tingling sensation of Saeran’s lips on his neck. Yoosung lets out another small noise. God, this feels  _ so _ good. Saeran opens his mouth to suck on the skin, and Yoosung yelps when he feels teeth gently nip at him.

“Again,” he says breathlessly, and he feels Saeran smile against his neck before biting down again, harder this time, while sucking and running his tongue across the sensitive skin.

After a ridiculous amount of whimpering and moaning on Yoosung’s behalf, Saeran pulls away. Yoosung begins to complain at the lost sensation but Saeran interrupts him with another kiss to his lips. This time they’re both much more riled up than before, and their tongues meet eagerly as they tug at each other to try and get closer.

Yoosung can feel Saeran’s hands slowly wandering down his sides, and he’s desperate for them to get lower still. Maybe it’s the fuzz in his brain left over from the sleep, but he wants  _ more _ .

Yoosung tries to wordlessly encourage him by pulling closer, arching his back slightly to raise his ass towards Saeran’s hands, but Saeran won’t go any faster. Yoosung lets out a small huff of frustration into the kiss, which seems to draw a laugh from Saeran.

“Eager?” he murmurs against Yoosung’s lips. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want…” That’s a good question. What  _ does  _ Yoosung want? In the long-term, he doesn’t know. But in the short-term… “I want you to touch me.”

Saeran’s hands immediately slide down to cup Yoosung’s ass, and he reignites the kiss and pulls Yoosung closer still. Their crotches are pressed together now, and Yoosung’s heart is working overtime trying to pump blood to both his dick and his brain. It’s not doing too well with the latter. Yoosung can’t stop himself grinding up against Saeran’s dick, and he shudders at the sensation. It’s finally happening. He’ll finally be able to experience Saeran’s body in person.

As if reading his mind, Saeran chooses that moment to yank down Yoosung’s pyjama pants and roll them over so Yoosung’s underneath. He grasps hold of his ass with nothing in between. Yoosung lets out a strangled gasp-moan at the feeling, and Saeran grins and trails kisses down to his jaw. He keeps going down to his neck, pressing a kiss against the tingling spot he was attacking earlier, and then goes further still. He bypasses Yoosung’s top by grabbing it with his teeth and yanking it upwards, exposing his stomach and chest to even more kisses. Yoosung trembles as Saeran gets closer and closer to his exposed dick, which is already embarrassingly hard. Saeran continues going downwards until he reaches it, and he presses a kiss to Yoosung’s inner-thigh while looking up at him from under his hair.

“May I?”

“God!” Yoosung throws his head back and arches towards Saeran. That image or Saeran looking at him like that from down there will be burned into his memory forever. “Please.”

Yoosung feels a wet heat take the tip of his dick, and he lets out an embarrassing noise and clenches the bedsheets in his fists. Saeran’s hands grip Yoosung’s thighs hard, probably hard enough to leave some kind of mark, as he slowly lowers his head to take Yoosung’s length in his mouth.

Yoosung whimpers, barely able to contain himself. He’s going to finish embarrassingly fast from this, he can tell. He can already feel the heat building inside him.

Saeran continues lowering his head until he takes him all in his mouth, and Yoosung whines loudly, looking down at the man between his legs with his dick in his mouth. Saeran looks up at him and winks before starting a rhythm. His fingernails are still digging into Yoosung’s thigh, and the sensation is sending shockwaves through his entire body, centering at his dick.

Saeran seems to be very practiced at this, because the way he moves his tongue and hums around his dick has Yoosung coming undone within seconds. It takes about six movements before the heat builds and Yoosung is crying out, cumming hard in Saeran’s mouth as he arches his back to chase his orgasm. His words are incoherent and his mind turns to mush as Saeran works him through it.

When Yoosung’s finally done, he collapses back down, trembling and shaking as Saeran slows to a stop. Yoosung throws an arm over his sweaty face as Saeran pulls off him, letting go of his thighs and no doubt leaving fingernail-shaped bruises in the flesh.

Yoosung feels Saeran crawl up next to him on the bed, and Yoosung drops his arm and lets his head loll to the side. To his surprise, his lips are immediately caught in a kiss.

He rolls onto his side to respond more eagerly, hands gripping hold of Saeran’s waistband. To his surprise, he feels Saeran’s hands take hold of his wrists to stop him.

“Are you sure?”

Yoosung looks at Saeran in confusion.

“Yes. I want to do it for you, too.”

He watches as Saeran swallows.

“Unless…” Yoosung says, studying his face. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

“No, I do, it’s just… no one’s touched me since…”

Oh.

“You can tell me to stop whenever you want.”

Saeran nods, and Yoosung takes the opportunity to lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Let’s practice, okay? I’ll kiss you in different places, and if you tell me to stop, I’ll stop.”

“I don’t think I’ll want you to stop,” Saeran says breathlessly.

“It’s just a practice. So you know you can trust me.”

Yoosung shuffles down on the bed and presses a kiss to Saeran’s neck as Saeran’s hands tangle into his hair. He continues kissing downwards until he reaches his collarbone, and then slowly begins to lift the jumper up to expose his chest.

“Stop,” Saeran says quickly, hand grabbing Yoosung’s wrist to stop him pulling it up. Yoosung nods, wordlessly bypassing his chest and moving down Saeran’s body to rest between his legs. He hooks his fingers around the waistband and pauses, giving Saeran a chance to tell him to stop. He doesn’t, so Yoosung slowly pulls it down.

As soon as Saeran’s dick springs free, his brain almost malfunctions. It’s so familiar by this point, yet there’s something so much more magnificent about it in reality.

“Stop staring,” Saeran mumbles in embarrassment, and Yoosung snaps himself out of it.

“Okay, I’ve… never done this before. Tell me if I do something wrong.”

Saeran nods breathlessly, and Yoosung takes the tip in his mouth.

He revels in the way Saeran gasps, and he lightly runs his tongue across it for a moment before lowering his head further. This isn’t so hard, right? He starts sucking, hollowing out his cheeks and taking more of him into his mouth. He’s only ever practiced this on plastic dildos before, but he wants to make sure he makes Saeran feel as good as he can.

“Fuck…” Saeran breathes, and Yoosung takes that as a sign that he’s doing this right. Saeran’s hands tangle into his hair again, guiding him down further. It’s not long before his dick hits the back of his throat and his nose is buried in the patch of hair at the base. Saeran tugs him back a bit, and sets him on a steady rhythm. Yoosung works his tongue until it’s tired, hollows out his cheeks until they ache, suck until his throat hurts, but even then he doesn’t stop.

Saeran lasts much longer than he did, but Yoosung actually finds he enjoys it. He glances up at Saeran every so often to catch sight of his head thrown back, lips parted, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Eventually, Saeran’s grip in his hair gets tighter and he starts using more force as he gets closer to his release. Yoosung allows him to guide him along. Saeran lets out a final quiet moan and bucks his hips into Yoosung’s mouth, and Yoosung feels his hot, salty release hit his throat. He swallows it as best as he can while still sucking, until Saeran tugs at his hair to pull him off.

Yoosung sits up and crawls back up the bed to lie next to him, draping his arm across Saeran’s chest. One of Saeran’s hands stays in his hair, stroking it lazily.

Yoosung notices the smile on his face at that point. Saeran has a little one too, but Yoosung feels like he’s full on grinning. He buries his face into Saeran’s side, inhaling his smell and basking in this feeling of contentment. He never imagined the moments after sex could feel this way. He’s almost forgotten about the issues from last night. In fact, after what just happened, it seems like it’s barely an issue at all. It’s just something that helped them get to this point.

Yoosung can feel a beautiful warm feeling blossoming inside his chest, and he gazes up at Saeran’s peaceful face.

Yeah. He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed~
> 
> this fic was mostly a little thing to try and help me get back into the swing of writing after such a massive writer's block, and i think it worked. sorry it's nothing more substantial!!
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://pupsung.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/yoorans)!


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